tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5869905305149094993.post2037332896371742305..comments2024-03-28T22:42:16.387-04:00Comments on The Stark Online: Deradoorian - EP, MP3, Cake Shop TonightStarknyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00623516445328310143noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5869905305149094993.post-33247971554232603422009-05-05T12:13:00.000-04:002009-05-05T12:13:00.000-04:00MARTY: Hello. My name is MARTY DeBergi. I'm a ...MARTY: Hello. My name is MARTY DeBergi. I'm a film maker. I<br /><br />make a lot of commercials. That little dog that chases the<br /><br />covered wagon underneath the sink? That was mine.<br /><br />In 1966, I went down to Greenwich Village, New York City to a<br /><br />rock club called the Electric Banana. Don't look for it, it's<br /><br />not there anymore. But that night I heard a band that for me<br /><br />redefined the word "rock and roll". I remember being knocked<br /><br />out by their, their exuberance, their raw power -- and their<br /><br />punctuality.<br /><br />That band was Britain's now-legendary Spinal Tap. Seventeen<br /><br />years and fifteen albums later, Spinal Tap is still going<br /><br />strong, and they've earned a distinguished place in rock history<br /><br />as one of England's loudest bands.<br /><br />So in the late fall of 1982 when I heard that Tap was<br /><br />releasing a new album called 'Smell the Glove,' and was<br /><br />planning their first tour of the United States in almost 6 years<br /><br />to promote that album, well needless to say I jumped at the<br /><br />chance to make the documentary, the, if you will, rockumentary<br /><br />that you're about to see. I wanted to capture the, the sights,<br /><br />the sounds, the smells, of a hard-working rock band on the road.<br /><br />And I got that. But I got more, a lot more. But hey -- enough<br /><br />of my yakkin'. Whaddaya say, let's boogie!<br /><br /><br /><br />Fan 1: Gives me a lot of energy, makes me happy.<br /><br />Fan 2: Heavy metal's deep, you can get stuff out of it.<br /><br />Fan 3: The way they dress, the leather.<br /><br />JFK Airport, New York<br /><br />DAVID: Which one is this? Is this LaGuardia or is this-- ?<br /><br />IAN: No, this is JFK. New York, New York.<br /><br />DAVID: Oh yes.<br /><br />Back outside the venue<br /><br />ROADIE: Watch it now, watch it now.<br /><br />Ethereal fan: It's like you become one with the guys in the band. I<br /><br />mean there's...there's no division, you just...the music<br /><br />just unites people...with the players.<br /><br />Onstage<br /><br />New York M C: You want it right, direct from hell, Spinal Tap!<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap performs 'Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight'---<br /><br />DAVID: We are Spinal Tap from the UK you must be the USA!<br /><br />Garden Interview I<br /><br />MARTY: Let's...uh talk a little bit about the history of the group.<br /><br />I understand NIGEL you and DAVID originally started the band<br /><br />wuh...back in...when was it...back in 1964?<br /><br />DAVID: Well before that we were in different groups, I was in a<br /><br />group called The Creatures and w-which was a skiffle group.<br /><br />NIGEL: I was in Lovely Lads.<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah.<br /><br />NIGEL: And then we looked at each other and says well we might as well<br /><br />join up you know and uh....<br /><br />DAVID: So we became The Originals.<br /><br />NIGEL: Right.<br /><br />DAVID: And we had to change our name actually....<br /><br />NIGEL: Well there was, there was another group in the east end called The<br /><br />Originals and we had to rename ourselves.<br /><br />DAVID: The New Originals.<br /><br />NIGEL: The New Originals and then, uh, they became....<br /><br />DAVID: The Regulars, they changed their name back to The Regulars and<br /><br />we thought well, we could go back to The Originals but<br /><br />what's the point?<br /><br />NIGEL: We became The Thamesmen at that point.<br /><br />--- The Thamesmen play Gimme Some Money ---<br /><br />--- British TV: Pop, Look & Listen 1965 ---<br /><br />MARTY: Your first drummer was uh....<br /><br />NIGEL: The peeper....<br /><br />DAVID: Joe stumpy Pepys...great great...uh...tall blond geek...<br /><br />with glasses uh...<br /><br />NIGEL: Uh.. good drummer.<br /><br />DAVID: Great look, good drummer.<br /><br />NIGEL: Good, good drummer....<br /><br />DAVID Fine drummer....<br /><br />MARTY: What happened to him?<br /><br />DAVID: He died, he, he died in a bizarre gardening accident some years back.<br /><br />NIGEL: It was really one of those things...it was...you know...the<br /><br />authorities said...you know...well best leave it unsolved,<br /><br />really...you know.<br /><br />MARTY: And he was replaced by...uh....<br /><br />DAVID: Stumpy Joe - Eric Stumpy Joe Childs.<br /><br />MARTY: What happened to Stumpy Joe?<br /><br />DEREK: Well, uh, it's not a very pleasant story...but, uh, he died...<br /><br />uh...he choked on...the ac- the official explanation was he<br /><br />choked on vomit.<br /><br />DAVID: He passed away.<br /><br />NIGEL: It was actually, was actually someone else's vomit. It's not....<br /><br />DAVID: It's ugly.<br /><br />NIGEL: You know. There's no real....<br /><br />DEREK: You know they can't prove whose vomit it was...they don't<br /><br />have the facilities at Scotland Yard....<br /><br />DAVID: You can't print, there's no way to print a spectra-photograph...<br /><br />NIGEL: You can't really dust for vomit.<br /><br />Reception, New York<br /><br />IAN: Here we go...Soho they call this place....<br /><br />?: Oh, it's the band!<br /><br />DAVID: 'So' what?<br /><br />BOBBI: How are you? IAN! Hi fellas, how you doing... Come over here.<br /><br />I want you to meet everybody.<br /><br />DEREK: Who is that?<br /><br />BOBBI: VIV, come over here...everybody.<br /><br />IAN: BOBBI Flekman.<br /><br />DEREK: Who is it ....with the record company?<br /><br />BOBBI: Yes, BOBBI Flekman - the hostess with the mostest. You<br /><br />know, you know. Hi, handsome. How you doing? Alright, listen<br /><br />I want you all to meet SIR DENNIS Eton-Hogg, now he's the<br /><br />head of Polymer.<br /><br />Band: We know, we know.<br /><br />DAVID: Oh, she knows...<br /><br />BOBBI: (To NIGEL) You don't talk so much - just smile and look smart.<br /><br />Dennis, come here...come here I want you to meet Spinal Tap,<br /><br />our guests of honor.<br /><br />SIR DENNIS: How very nice to meet you!<br /><br />BOBBI: Kids; this is SIR DENNIS Eaton-Hogg...this is NIGEL.<br /><br />NIGEL: Hello, Dennis.<br /><br />SIR DENNIS: Oh, so this is NIGEL!<br /><br />NIGEL: Thanks a lot for letting us uh....<br /><br />BOBBI: Let's go over here and we'll all take a picture together.<br /><br />Where's Christine? Where's my photographer? Come over here<br /><br />honey. What's your name? Christine? Ok, right over here...<br /><br />good, good!<br /><br />REPORTER: You guys look great. I mean you look fantastic. You would never<br /><br />know that you are almost 40. I mean if I looked this good and<br /><br />from the stage too it's amazing you know....<br /><br />MORTY THE MIME: I did the bird, do the dead bird...change this, get the dwarf<br /><br />canoles the little ones....<br /><br />MIME: I did the bird....<br /><br />MORTY THE MIME: C'mon, don't talk back huh...MIME is money, let's go<br /><br />come on; move it!<br /><br />SIR DENNIS: Now, we here at Polymer we're all looking forward<br /><br />to a long and...and...and fruitful relationship with Spinal Tap.<br /><br />We wish them great success on their North American tour and so<br /><br />say all of us...Tap into America!<br /><br />limo<br /><br />LIMO DRIVER: Excuse me...are you reading "Yes I Can"?<br /><br />Limo groupie: Yeah, have you read it?<br /><br />LIMO DRIVER: Yeah, by Sammy Davis Jr.?<br /><br />Limo groupie: Yeah.<br /><br />LIMO DRIVER : You know what the title of that book should be?<br /><br />"Yes I Can if Frank Sinatra Says it's Okay". Cause Frank<br /><br />calls the shots for all of those guys . Did you get to<br /><br />the part yet where uh...Sammy is coming out of the Copa...<br /><br />it's about 3:00 in the morning and uh...he sees Frank?<br /><br />Frank's walking down Broadway by himself....<br /><br />(Limo window raised by NIGEL)<br /><br />LIMO DRIVER: Fuckin' limeys.<br /><br />MARTY: Well you know, ah...they're not uh,...used to that world.<br /><br />LIMO DRIVER: Yeah yeah.<br /><br />MARTY: You know Frank Sinatra it's a different world that<br /><br />they're in.<br /><br />LIMO DRIVER: You know, it's just that people like this...you know...<br /><br />they get all they want so they don't really understand,<br /><br />you know...about a life like Frank's, I mean, you know<br /><br />when you've loved and lost the way Frank has, then you uh<br /><br />...you know what life's about.<br /><br />IAN: The Times may even do something.<br /><br />DAVID: The New York Times?<br /><br />IAN: Yeah, the New York Times.<br /><br />DAVID: The bump we've got to iron out here is when do we get the album<br /><br />released. I mean it doesn't matter how good the press is or what<br /><br />the stringers....<br /><br />IAN: As I explained last night you know we're not gonna saturate<br /><br />the New York market....now Philly now that's a real rock<br /><br />and roll town.<br /><br />DAVID: Oh, Philly's great.<br /><br />IAN: Be assured that the album will be available all throughout the<br /><br />Philadelphia metropolitan area.<br /><br />DAVID: So you are hitting that market regardless of how we're selling<br /><br />in New York?<br /><br />IAN: We are doing, we certainly are doing, well, I'm doing everything<br /><br />I can.<br /><br />DAVID: That's right. We are not blaming you, you know that we're not<br /><br />blaming you.<br /><br />MARTY: But you don't feel these guys have an effect on an audience,<br /><br />I mean, kids go to their concert they have a great time, uhh....<br /><br />LIMO DRIVER: But it's...it's a passing thing...it's uh.... I mean I would<br /><br />never tell them this but this is uh...this is a fad.<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap plays Big Bottom---<br /><br />--- at Fidelity Hall, Philadelphia ---<br /><br />Garden Interview II<br /><br />MARTY: Let's talk about your reviews a little bit...regarding 'Intravenus<br /><br />de Milo': "This tasteless cover is a good indication of the lack of<br /><br />musical invention within. The musical growth rate of this band<br /><br />cannot even be charted. They are treading water in a sea of<br /><br />retarded sexuality and bad poetry."<br /><br />NIGEL: That's, that's nit picking, isn't it?<br /><br />MARTY: 'The Gospel According to Spinal Tap': "This pretentious ponderous<br /><br />collection of religious rock psalms is enough to prompt the<br /><br />question: "What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap and couldn't<br /><br />he have rested on that day too?" "<br /><br />DAVID: Never heard that one!<br /><br />DEREK: That's a good one, that's a good one!<br /><br />MARTY: The review you had on 'Shark Sandwich'...which was merely a two<br /><br />word review - just said "shit sandwich." Umm....<br /><br />DEREK: Where'd they print that, where'd they print that?<br /><br />DAVID: Where did that appear?<br /><br />NIGEL: That's not real, is it?<br /><br />DEREK: You can't print that.<br /><br />Recording Industry Convention, Atlanta, Georgia <br /><br />DEREK: All those arguments about touring or not touring and all<br /><br />that it's obvious we belong on tour, you know....<br /><br />IAN: I couldn't agree more. All that stuff about you being too<br /><br />old and you being too white but....<br /><br />DEREK: But what about the album, IAN?<br /><br />DAVID: Well that's the real problem there's no way to promote<br /><br />something that doesn't exist, you know....<br /><br />IAN: It's a very unimportant reason, it's just that they're experimenting<br /><br />with, with some new uh...packaging materials. Let me get the door.<br /><br />DEREK: What kind of experimenting? What they got monkeys opening it or<br /><br />what?<br /><br />IAN: Oh there's uhh...the other thing is that the uh...the Boston<br /><br />gig has been cancelled.<br /><br />NIGEL: What?<br /><br />IAN: Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it though, it's not a big college town.<br /><br />Southern rock promoter: I heard you boys got an album coming out.<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah, it should be out now, it's called Smell the Glove...<br /><br />yeah...yeah, yeah....<br /><br />Extra: Smell the Glove? It's a provocative title.<br /><br />DAVID: Wait till you see the cover, wait till you see the cover,<br /><br />very provcative indeed.<br /><br />IAN: BOBBI, BOBBI, can I tear you away from all of this?<br /><br />BOBBI: Do you have a drink? Everything ok?<br /><br />IAN: No, I don't, I don't really need one. But, listen, um...I really,<br /><br />I really do have to talk to you a bit about this, uh....<br /><br />BOBBI: IAN, come on, tell me whatever is on your mind....<br /><br />IAN: ...this whole issue of the, uh...the issue of the cover.<br /><br />BOBBI: Yeah.<br /><br />IAN: ...uh, we feel, I mean, we feel and it seems to be facts<br /><br />that, uh...the company is rather down on the cover.<br /><br />Is that the case?<br /><br />BOBBI: Yes.<br /><br />IAN: You can give it to me straight, you know.<br /><br />BOBBI: Listen umm... they don't like the cover, they don't like the cover.<br /><br />IAN: Uh huh, well that is certainly straight.<br /><br />BOBBI: They find it very offensive and very sexist.<br /><br />IAN: Well what exactly...do you find offensive, I mean, what's offensive?<br /><br />BOBBI: IAN, you put a greased naked woman...<br /><br />IAN: Yes...<br /><br />BOBBI: ..on all fours...<br /><br />IAN: Yes.<br /><br />BOBBI: ...with a dog collar around her neck...<br /><br />IAN: ...with a dog collar...<br /><br />BOBBI: ...and a leash...<br /><br />IAN: ...and a leash...<br /><br />BOBBI: ...and a man's arm extended out up to here holding on to the leash<br /><br />and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff it. You don't find<br /><br />that offensive, you don't find that sexist?<br /><br />IAN: No I don't, this is 1982, BOBBI, come on.<br /><br />BOBBI: That's right it's 1982 get out of the 60's we don't have this<br /><br />mentality any more.<br /><br />IAN: Well you shoulda seen the cover they wanted to do. It wasn't a glove<br /><br />believe me.<br /><br />BOBBI: I don't care what they wanted to do, now see this is something IAN<br /><br />that you are going to have to talk to your boys about.<br /><br />IAN: We're certainly not laying down any conditions...<br /><br />BOBBI: And I don't think that a sexy cover is the answer for why an album<br /><br />sells or doesn't sell becuase you tell me...the "White Album",<br /><br />what was that? There was nothing on that goddamn cover. Excuse me,<br /><br />the phone's ringing. IAN we'll talk about this after.<br /><br />IAN: Okay, bye bye.<br /><br />BOBBI: Hello. Oh, hi Dennis. Uh oh, okay. Why don't you tell him?<br /><br />Okay, hold on one minute. IAN? It's Eaton-Hogg, he wants to talk<br /><br />to you.<br /><br />IAN: Okay. Thank you darling.<br /><br />BOBBI: You're welcome.....dear.<br /><br />IAN: Hello SIR DENNIS. Hi, how are you?<br /><br />(out of phone) Oh, fucking old poofdah! (into phone) But it's<br /><br />really not that offensive SIR DENNIS come on. Okay. I'll call<br /><br />you absolutely first thing in the morning. (slam phone) Ah, shit.<br /><br />They are not gonna release the album...because they have decided that<br /><br />the cover is sexist.<br /><br />NIGEL: Well so what? What's wrong with being sexy? I mean there's no....<br /><br />IAN: Sex-ist.<br /><br />DAVID: -ist, not sexy.<br /><br />BOBBI: Okay, listen I wanted to tell you this and and...I was holding back<br /><br />because I didn't know what Dennis' decision was going to be...<br /><br />but at this point both Sears and K-Mart stores have refused to<br /><br />handle the album. They're boycotting the album only because of<br /><br />the cover. If the first album had been a hit....<br /><br />IAN: If the company is behind the album it can shove it right down<br /><br />their throats.<br /><br />BOBBI: Money talks and bullshit walks and if the first album was a hit<br /><br />then we could have pressed on them then we could have told them yes...<br /><br />IAN: The music....every cut on this album is a hit.<br /><br />BOBBI: Let's...I don't give a shit what the album's....<br /><br />NIGEL: It's a matter of compromise, we made a joke, and it was a long time<br /><br />ago, they're making it like a big deal.<br /><br />DAVID: That's true. You know, if we were serious and we said "yes she<br /><br />should be forced to sniff...smell the glove" then you'd have a<br /><br />point you know but it's all a joke, isn't it, we're making fun<br /><br />of that sort of thing.<br /><br />NIGEL: It is and it isn't, she should be made to smell it, but...<br /><br />DAVID: But not you know over and over again.<br /><br />BOBBI: You know, we can probably work something out. I'll talk to Dennis<br /><br />and maybe we can come up with a compromise. A new design concept<br /><br />that we can all live with.<br /><br />interview in restaurant<br /><br />MARTY: You guys were school mates<br /><br />NIGEL: We don't...we, we, we're not not university material<br /><br />DAVID: What's that on your finger?<br /><br />NIGEL: That's my gum!<br /><br />DAVID: What's it doing on your finger?<br /><br />NIGEL: I might need it later.<br /><br />DAVID: Put it on the table, that's terrible.<br /><br />NIGEL: Well...I might forget it on the table.<br /><br />DAVID: You can't take him anywhere.<br /><br />MARTY: How old were you guys when you met?<br /><br />DAVID: Eight years old. Eight or nine.<br /><br />NIGEL: You were eight and I was seven.<br /><br />DAVID: That's right, yeah.<br /><br />MARTY: Do you remember the first song that you guys ever wrote together?<br /><br />DAVID: All the Way Home, probably.<br /><br />MARTY: All the Way Home?<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah.<br /><br />MARTY: Can you remember a little bit of it? I'd love to hear it.<br /><br />DAVID: Christ. Some black coffee maybe we could do it.<br /><br />NIGEL: How's it go?<br /><br />NIGEL and DAVID: I'm standing out beside the railroad track...and I'm<br /><br />waiting for that train to bring you back....if, if, if,<br /><br />if, if she's not on the the 5:19 then I'm gonna know<br /><br />what sorrow means.....and I'm gonna cry cry cry all the<br /><br />way home....all the way home....all the way home.....<br /><br />DAVID: Cry, cry, cry all the way home.....fairly simple.....there's about<br /><br />six words in the whole song, you know. Just repeat them over and<br /><br />over again.<br /><br />MARTY: Let's talk about your music today...uh...one thing that puzzles me<br /><br />...um...is the make up of your audience seems to be ...uh...<br /><br />predominately young boys.<br /><br />DAVID: Well it's a sexual thing, really isn't it. Aside from the<br /><br />identifying the boys do with us there's also a re-reaction to the<br /><br />female.....of the female to our music. How did you put it?<br /><br />NIGEL: Really they're quite fearful - that's my theory. They see us on<br /><br />stage with tight trousers we've got, you know, armadillos in our<br /><br />trousers, I mean it's really quite frightening...<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah.<br /><br />NIGEL: ...the size...and and they, they run screaming.<br /><br /><br />--- Spinal Tap performs Hell Hole ---<br /><br />--- Chapel Hill, North Carolina ---<br /><br />Vandermint Auditorium<br /><br />NIGEL: IAN, can I have a word with you for a minute?<br /><br />IAN: Yes, of course.<br /><br />NIGEL: ...uh, a couple of problems with the...<br /><br />IAN: What?<br /><br />NIGEL: ...arrangments backstage...<br /><br />IAN: What exactly?<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, uh..<br /><br />IAN: What, I mean...<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, no, there's some problems here, I don't even know where<br /><br />to start, alright? This, uh..<br /><br />IAN: Soundcheck? Whats, whats, whats wrong?<br /><br />NIGEL: No, no, no, no this....look, look, look, there's a little problem<br /><br />with the... look this, this miniature bread. It's like...<br /><br />I've been working with this now for about half an hour.<br /><br />I can't figure out... let's say I want a bite, right, you've<br /><br />got this...<br /><br />IAN: You'd like bigger bread?<br /><br />NIGEL: Exactly! I don't understand how...<br /><br />IAN: You could fold this though.<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, no then it's half the size.<br /><br />IAN: Not the bread, you could fold the meat.<br /><br />NIGEL: Yeah, but then it, then it breaks up, breaks apart like this.<br /><br />IAN: No, no, no, you put it on the bread like this, you see<br /><br />NIGEL: But then, if you keep folding it, it keeps breaking...<br /><br />IAN: Why do you keep folding it?<br /><br />NIGEL: And then you...everyhing has to be folded, and then it's this,<br /><br />and I don't want this I want large bread so that I can put<br /><br />this...<br /><br />IAN: Right<br /><br />NIGEL: ...so then it's like this, this does not work because<br /><br />then...it's all....<br /><br />IAN: 'cause it hangs out like that?<br /><br />NIGEL: Look...<br /><br />IAN: Yeah.<br /><br />NIGEL: Would you been holding this?<br /><br />IAN: No, I don't want to eat...I wouldn't want to put that in my mouth, no<br /><br />you're right, NIGEL, you're right...<br /><br />NIGEL: No, alright 'A', exhibit 'A', now we move on to this, look, look<br /><br />who's in here? No one! And then in here there's a little guy, look!<br /><br />So it's, it's a complete catastrophe.<br /><br />IAN: You're right, NIGEL, NIGEL calm down, calm down.<br /><br />NIGEL: Calm d...good, no it's not a big deal, it's a joke, it's really,<br /><br />it's...<br /><br />IAN: I'm sorry, it's just some crappy univeristy, you know<br /><br />NIGEL: I know, Yeah, right, it's a joke, it's all a j-<br /><br />IAN: Really, I don't want it to affect your performance.<br /><br />NIGEL: It's not gonna affect my performance, don't worry about it, alright,<br /><br />just hate it, it's really...<br /><br />IAN: It won't happen again.<br /><br />NIGEL: It does disturb me.<br /><br />IAN: It's disgusting.<br /><br />NIGEL: But I'll rise above it, I'm a professional, right?<br /><br />IAN: Alright.<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap Perfoms Hell Hole ---<br /><br />Amid NIGEL's Guitar Collection<br /><br />MARTY: Do you play all...I mean do you actually play all these or...?<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, I play them and I cherish them.<br /><br />MARTY: Mmm-hmm....<br /><br />NIGEL: This is the top of the heap right here. There's no question about<br /><br />it. Look at the, look at the flame on that one....<br /><br />MARTY: Yes.<br /><br />NIGEL: I mean it's just...it's quite unbelievable. This o- this one<br /><br />is just ah...is perfect...1959...ah...you know, it just, you can<br /><br />uh...listen!<br /><br />MARTY: How much does this....<br /><br />NIGEL: Just listen for a minute....<br /><br />MARTY: I'm not....<br /><br />NIGEL: The sustain...listen to it...<br /><br />MARTY: I'm not hearing anything.<br /><br />NIGEL: You would, though, if it were playing, because it really... it's<br /><br />famous for its sustain...I mean, you could, just hold it....<br /><br />MARTY: Well I mean so you don't....<br /><br />NIGEL: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... You could go and have a bite<br /><br />an'...aaaaaaaaa...you'd still be hearin' that one.<br /><br />Could you hold this a sec'?<br /><br />MARTY: Sure.<br /><br />NIGEL: This one...this 'course is a custom three-pickup-'Paul. This is my<br /><br />radio...unit....<br /><br />MARTY: Oh, I see....<br /><br />NIGEL: So I strap this...this piece on, you know, right down in here when<br /><br />I'm on stage and....<br /><br />MARTY: It's a wireless.<br /><br />NIGEL: Wireless, exactly. And...uh I can play without all the mucky-muck.<br /><br />MARTY: You can run anywhere on stage with that.<br /><br />NIGEL: Exactly. Now this is special, too, it's a...look...see...still got<br /><br />the uh...the ol' tagger on it...see...never even played it ...see...<br /><br />MARTY: You just bought it and....<br /><br />NIGEL: Don't touch it! Don't touch it! No one...no one...no! Don't<br /><br />touch it.<br /><br />MARTY: Well uh I wasn't...uh I wasn't gonna touch it...I was just pointing<br /><br />at it...I....<br /><br />NIGEL: Well don't point, even.<br /><br />MARTY: Don't even point?<br /><br />NIGEL: No. It can't be played...never...I mean I....<br /><br />MARTY: Can I look at it?<br /><br />NIGEL: No. No you've seen enough of that one.<br /><br />MARTY: Don't look at it.<br /><br />NIGEL: This is a top to a, you know, what we use on stage, but it's<br /><br />very...very special because if you can see...<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah...<br /><br />NIGEL: ...the numbers all go to eleven. Look...right across the board.<br /><br />MARTY: Ahh...oh, I see....<br /><br />NIGEL: Eleven...eleven...eleven....<br /><br />MARTY: ...and most of these amps go up to ten....<br /><br />NIGEL: Exactly.<br /><br />MARTY: Does that mean it's...louder? Is it any louder?<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see,<br /><br />most...most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten<br /><br />here...all the way up...all the way up....<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah....<br /><br />NIGEL: ...all the way up. You're on ten on your guitar...where can you go<br /><br />from there? Where?<br /><br />MARTY: I don't know....<br /><br />NIGEL: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is if we need that extra...push over<br /><br />the cliff...you know what we do?<br /><br />MARTY: Put it up to eleven.<br /><br />NIGEL: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.<br /><br />MARTY: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top...<br /><br />number...and make that a little louder?<br /><br />NIGEL: ...these go to eleven.<br /><br />Hotel Lobby, Memphis, Tennessee<br /><br />SMITTY: Are you uh - are you Spinal Tap?<br /><br />IAN: Spinal Tap -- this is Spinal Tap.<br /><br />?: Tap -- Tap -- Tap -- Tap -- Tap.<br /><br />SMITTY: Welcome to Memphis, gentlemen. We have a slight problem with your<br /><br />reservation. Nothing serious, I'm afraid.<br /><br />IAN: How slight?<br /><br />SMITTY: You wanted seven, uh, suites.<br /><br />IAN: Seven. Seven suites.<br /><br />SMITTY: Yes w-we-he mistakenly put you on the seventh floor with one<br /><br />suite.<br /><br />IAN: That's considerably more than minor.<br /><br />SMITTY: Well, it's a good-sized room, sir. It's a, it's a 'King Leisure'.<br /><br />We can get you a - something-<br /><br />IAN: How are we going to get fourteen people in a 'King Leisure' bed?!<br /><br />SMITTY: Oh-ho-ho don't - don't tempt me, sir.<br /><br />DAVID: Have a good time, will you -- we'll be right here.<br /><br />IAN: I will, I'll take care of it.<br /><br />SMITTY: Welcome, gentlemen - and very attractive they are, too.<br /><br />IAN: Hey! Hey! Listen to me: We want these suites, and we want them<br /><br />now! OK? These people are tired, we have soundcheck in an hour.<br /><br />SMITTY: Yes, sir. We can't help you out - Reba - perhaps you can help<br /><br />here.<br /><br />Reba: What's the problem, sir?<br /><br />SMITTY: Can you give me a hand, please?<br /><br />IAN: Yes. I'll tell you what you can do. OK? This - twisted old<br /><br />fruit here - tells me that you have fucked up my reservations.<br /><br />SMITTY: I'm just as God made me, sir.<br /><br />DAVID: What's the difference between golf and miniature golf?<br /><br />DEREK: I think it's-uh...<br /><br />MICK: The walls.<br /><br />DEREK: ?The holes are smaller<br /><br />(Crazed female fans shriek.)<br /><br />DAVID: Uh-oh- look out, here they come....<br /><br />DEREK: Hold your breath.<br /><br />Fan : Duke! Duke! Can I have your autograph?<br /><br />NIGEL: It's Duke.<br /><br />DAVID: Duke! Duke!<br /><br />Terry: Get your hands back.<br /><br />DAVID: It's OK, we know'm, it's Spinal Tap.<br /><br />Terry: Sure.<br /><br />DAVID: DAVID St Hubbins, Spinal Tap; DEREK Smalls, Spinal<br /><br />Tap; NIGEL....<br /><br />Terry: Look, we gotta get going here.<br /><br />DAVID: Listen, uh...uh...where you playing in town? You you playin' here?<br /><br />Terry: We're doin' the...uh...Enormodome whatever it is. It's terrific,<br /><br />it's a good house. We sold it out.<br /><br />DAVID: Oh yeah big place outside of town.<br /><br />Terry: Very nice.<br /><br />DAVID: That's a big place. You sold it out?! What's that, twenty-<br /><br />thousand seats?<br /><br />Terry: We really should run, you know...<br /><br />IAN: Good heavens. How are you, laddy?! Great to see you, Ter! Terrific<br /><br />to see you.<br /><br />Terry: Uhhhhm...Liam!<br /><br />IAN: IAN. IAN.<br /><br />Terry: IAN. Yeah, listen, we'd love to stand around and chat, but we've<br /><br />gotta...sit down in the lobby and wait for the limo.<br /><br />DEREK: OK.<br /><br />DAVID: OK. Great. Duke, great to see you. Great to see you again, Terry.<br /><br />DEREK: We'll catch up with you on the road.<br /><br />Duke: Cheers.<br /><br />DAVID: Duke! Great to see you. See ya. See you, Duke. Good days. Good days.<br /><br />DAVID: Fuckin' wanker.<br /><br />NIGEL: What a wanker.<br /><br />DAVID: What a wanker.<br /><br />DEREK: Total no talent sod.<br /><br />NIGEL: He's got this much talent -- this much if he's lucky.<br /><br />DAVID: We carried him. We had to apologize for him with our set.<br /><br />DEREK: That's right.<br /><br />MICK: That's right, yeah.<br /><br />DAVID: People were still booin' 'im when we were on tour. It's all hype.<br /><br />It's all hype. It's all bought.<br /><br />IAN: Yep. We got our rooms, big fat suites.<br /><br />DAVID: Lemme ask you something - lemme ask you something<br /><br />IAN: What?<br /><br />DAVID: Have you seen Duke Fame's current album?<br /><br />IAN: Um... yes, yes.<br /><br />DAVID: Have you seen the cover?<br /><br />IAN: Um... no, no, I don't think I have.<br /><br />DAVID: It's a rather lurid cover, I mean...ah, it's, it's like naked<br /><br />women, and, uh....<br /><br />NIGEL: He's tied down to this table,<br /><br />IAN: Uh-huh.<br /><br />NIGEL: And he's got these whips and they're all...semi-nude.<br /><br />DAVID: Knockin' on 'im and it's like much worse...<br /><br />IAN: What's the point?<br /><br />DAVID: Well the point is it's much worse than 'Smell the Glove'...he<br /><br />releases that he's number three.<br /><br />IAN: Because he's the victim. Their objections were that she was the<br /><br />victim. You see?<br /><br />DEREK: I see....<br /><br />NIGEL: Oh...<br /><br />DAVID: Ah....<br /><br />IAN: That's alright, if the singer's the victim, it's different. It's<br /><br />not sexist.<br /><br />NIGEL: He did a twist on it. A twist and it s-<br /><br />DEREK: He did, he did. He turned it around.<br /><br />IAN: We shoulda thought of that....<br /><br />DAVID: We were so close....<br /><br />IAN: I mean if we had all you guys tied up, that probably woulda been<br /><br />fine.<br /><br />All: Ah....<br /><br />IAN: But it's...it's still a stupid cover.<br /><br />DAVID: It's such a fine line between stupid an'...<br /><br />DEREK: ...and clever.<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah, and clever.<br /><br />NIGEL: Just that little turnabout....<br /><br />IAN: I have a small piece of bad news. Although it may not be that bad.<br /><br />MICK: For a change, you mean?<br /><br />IAN: We're-uh. We're cancelled here.<br /><br />DEREK: At the hotel?<br /><br />IAN: No, we're cancelled - the gig is cancelled....<br /><br />DEREK: Fuck!<br /><br />IAN: Uh...it says "Memphis show cancelled due to lack of advertising<br /><br />funds"...<br /><br />IAN's office<br /><br />MARTY: The last time Tap toured America, they where, uh, booked into<br /><br />10,000 seat arenas, and 15,000 seat venues, and it seems that now,<br /><br />on their current tour they're being booked into 1,200 seat<br /><br />arenas, 1,500 seat arenas, and uh I was just wondering,<br /><br />does this mean uh...the popularity of the group is waning?<br /><br />IAN: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no...no, no, not at all. I, I, I just think<br /><br />that the.. uh.. their appeal is becoming more selective.<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah. Now, I notice this here, you've got this cricket bat here...<br /><br />IAN: Yes.<br /><br />MARTY: Do you play?<br /><br />IAN: No, I carry this partly of, uh, I don't know some sort of, uh, I<br /><br />suppose what's the word...uh....<br /><br />MARTY: Affectation?<br /><br />IAN: Yes, I mean it's, it's, a it's a kind of totemestic thing you know,<br /><br />but to be quite frank with you, it's come in usefull in a<br /><br />couple of situations. Certainly in the topsy, turvy world of<br /><br />heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is<br /><br />quite often...useful.<br /><br />MARTY: mhmh.<br /><br />Hotel room, Memphis, Tennessee<br /><br />DAVID: I miss you too, darling...uhm, not too well, actually...well, we've<br /><br />got some cancellations, that's all, we got to Memphis, and there is no<br /><br />gig in Memphis and we found out that this, this promotor in the<br /><br />Mid-West uhh has pulled out St. Louis, and Kansas City, and uh...oh<br /><br />Des Moines...I don't know, it's in IndIANa or something...<br /><br />I thought...oh don't tease me, that's not until April, great!<br /><br />We'll do it, oh good, oh, fucking great...Milwaukee...Milwaukee,<br /><br />Wisconsin...I've no idea, you might have to take the plane to<br /><br />New York, and then get, and then go to, uh, to Milwaukee from there<br /><br />...oh, good I love you too...okay, bye...<br /><br />Ah, well, my problems are solved, mate!<br /><br />NIGEL: Who's that?<br /><br />DAVID: JEANINE, she's going to come meet us. She was supposed to do this<br /><br />this uh window layout for Neil Kite's Boutique, but it's not until<br /><br />April.<br /><br />NIGEL: Is she coming to drop some stuff off, you know, and then...<br /><br />DAVID: No.<br /><br />NIGEL: ...and then go back?<br /><br />DAVID: No, she's coming on her own, she's going to travel with us, gonna<br /><br />go on the road with us.<br /><br />DEREK?:Turn it up, turn it up!<br /><br />DAVID: She says she can hear that I'm eating too much sugar on the phone,<br /><br />she says my larynx is fat.<br /><br />DEREK: You uh might want to come next door, the radio is playing a bit of<br /><br />your past.<br /><br />DAVID: Ohooow.....I don't believe it!<br /><br />?: Listen to this.<br /><br />?: Shhhhh.<br /><br />?: Sounds good.<br /><br />DJ: Oh, yeah, going all the way back to 1965 that one....<br /><br />?: Shhhhhh-shhh.<br /><br />DJ: Don't it feel good, with The Thamsmen and "Cups and Cakes"...<br /><br />DEREK: You're an oldie...you're an oldie!<br /><br />DJ: The Thamesmen later changed their names to Spinal Tap they had a<br /><br />?couple of B-side hits they are currently residing in the "where are<br /><br />they now" file. Johnny Q with you on Golden 106 and right after we...<br /><br />DEREK: Rock you!<br /><br />Elvis' grave, Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee<br /><br />DAVID: I'm not really sure this was such a great idea, I mean I don't feel<br /><br />any better than I did at the hotel.<br /><br />DEREK: He was going to do a TV special from here, before he died.<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah, that's right, the musical version of "Somebody Up There Likes<br /><br />Me"...(Sung:)Well since my baby left me, I found a new place to<br /><br />dwell... well, it's down at the end of Lonely Street, at<br /><br />Heartbreak Hotel.<br /><br />NIGEL: Do it, do it with the harmony parts.<br /><br />DAVID + NIGEL: Well since my baby left...<br /><br />DAVID: The same key, though, I think.<br /><br />DAVID: + NIGEL: Well since my baby left me...<br /><br />NIGEL: If I'm going: Well since my baby left me, meeee<br /><br />DAVID: No, you can't hit that note!<br /><br />DEREK + DAVID: + NIGEL: mmmmm...Well since my baby left me,<br /><br />well, I found a new place to dwell...<br /><br />NIGEL: That's alright.<br /><br />DEREK: Not really, not really...voice down...<br /><br />DAVID: Well it sounds raga, don't want to go raga on this stuff...<br /><br />NIGEL No, not with this you don't, Well since my baby left me, I found a<br /><br />new place to dwell...<br /><br />DAVID: It sounds...fuckin barbershop...<br /><br />DEREK: Hey!<br /><br />DAVID: Barbershop raga.<br /><br />DEREK: Hey, watch the, watch the language, you're ?paying homage to the<br /><br />King!<br /><br />DAVID: Oh sorry...well this is thoroughly depressing.<br /><br />NIGEL: It really puts perspective on things, though, doesn't it?<br /><br />DAVID: Too much, there's too much fucking perspective now.<br /><br />garden interview III<br /><br />MARTY: In 1967, uh, you... that was the first time Spinal Tap<br /><br />came into existence?<br /><br />DEREK: Well, the whole world was changing in those days.<br /><br />DAVID: And, and we also has the world's ear<br /><br />DEREK We were changing the world.<br /><br />DAVID: Because we've just released an enormous selling single:<br /><br />"Listen to the Flower People".<br /><br />NIGEL: Flower People!<br /><br />DAVID: We toured the world, we toured the States...<br /><br />DEREK: We toured the world and elsewhere.<br /><br />DAVID: It was, it was a dream come true.<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap performs "(Listen to the) Flower People" ---<br /><br />--- JAMBOREE BOP American-TV 1967 ---<br /><br />MARTY: Now, during the Flower People period, who was your drummer?<br /><br />DAVID: Stumpy's replacement, Peter James Bond, he also died in<br /><br />mysterious circumstances...we were playing a...<br /><br />NIGEL: Festival...<br /><br />DAVID: Jazz-blues festival, where was that?<br /><br />NIGEL: Blues-jazz really.<br /><br />DEREK: Blues-jazz festival...<br /><br />NIGEL: It was in the Isle of, it was in the Isle of....<br /><br />NIGEL + DEREK: Isle of Lucy.<br /><br />DEREK: Isle of Lucy.<br /><br />NIGEL: Isle of Lucy.<br /><br />DAVID: Isle of Lucy...jazz-blues festival...<br /><br />NIGEL: And....it was tragic really...he exploded on stage.<br /><br />DEREK: Just like that...he just went up...<br /><br />NIGEL: He just was like a flash of green light...and that was it,<br /><br />nothing was left...<br /><br />DAVID: Look at his face .... it's true, this really did happen.<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, there was a little green globule on his drum seat.<br /><br />DAVID: Like a stain, really.<br /><br />NIGEL: It was a small stain, a globule, actually, and...<br /><br />DAVID: You know several...you know dozens of people spontaneously<br /><br />combust each year, it's just not really widely reported.<br /><br />NIGEL: Right.<br /><br />Sound check, Shank Hall, Milwuakee, Wisconsin<br /><br />NIGEL: Hello, hello, hello, hello<br /><br />DAVID: Testin',test, test, test, test "This is mike munber one, this is<br /><br />mike number one, isn't this a lot of fun?" okay, got the mikes...<br /><br />NIGEL: Two, two, let's do G. S. M, alright...G. S. M.<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap plays G. S. M., (Gimmie Some Money) ---<br /><br />JEANINE: Hello, darling, hellooo, got a surprise for you.<br /><br />DAVID: Hey! Where'd you come from?<br /><br />JEANINE: Where do you think I came from? Bloody airplane, didn't I? Right?<br /><br />?: DAVID.....DAVID.....DAVID....DAVID<br /><br />JEANINE: ...feels good, oh I've been wanting to do that for the longest time.<br /><br />DAVID: ...carry you about with me...<br /><br />JEANINE: What's...tell me...<br /><br />DAVID: Wh...that's the film crew I told you about, this, this is the film<br /><br />crew: Ma...Ma'tn,<br /><br />JEANINE: Hi, martin...<br /><br />DAVID: This is JEANINE.<br /><br />MARTY: Hello.<br /><br />JEANINE: Hello.<br /><br />IAN: Here it is!<br /><br />DEREK: Visitor's Day. isn't it?<br /><br />IAN: Here it is, lads! "Smell The Glove"...gather round..<br /><br />Where's DAVID?... DAVID, DAVID, get up here!<br /><br />?: Come on IAN, you're kidding..<br /><br />DEREK: DAVID, "Smell The Glove" is here. Hello, JEANINE.<br /><br />IAN: The moment we've all been waiting for...Here we go, plenty for<br /><br />everybody...here you are.<br /><br />DAVID: I never thought I'd see...I never thought I'd live to see the day.<br /><br />IAN: What do you think?<br /><br />DEREK: Is this the test pressing?<br /><br />IAN: No, this is it, yes, that's right...<br /><br />DAVID: This is "Smell The Glove" by Spinal Tap....<br /><br />IAN: That's "Smell The Glove" that's, that's the jacket cover, it's<br /><br />going out across the country in every store.<br /><br />DAVID: This is the compromise we made...this is the compromise you made?<br /><br />IAN: Yes.<br /><br />DEREK: Is it going to say anything here, or here along the spine?<br /><br />DAVID: It's not going to say anything?<br /><br />IAN: No, it's not going to say anything.<br /><br />NIGEL: It's going to be like this, all black...<br /><br />IAN: No, it's going to be that simple, beautiful, classic!<br /><br />?: Does look a little bit like, you know, black leather...<br /><br />DEREK: You can see yourself in... both sides.<br /><br />DAVID: I feel so bad, I feel so bad about this...<br /><br />NIGEL: It's like a black mirror.<br /><br />DAVID: Well, I think it looks like death...it looks like mourning. I mean it looks...<br /><br />IAN: DAVID, DAVID, every, every movie, in every cinema is about death;<br /><br />death sells!<br /><br />NIGEL: I think he's right, there is something about this, that's that's<br /><br />so black, it's like; "How much more black could this be?"<br /><br />and the answer is: "None, none... more black."<br /><br />DAVID: I think, like you've, like rationalizing this whole thing like<br /><br />into something you did on on purpose. I think we're stuck with a<br /><br />very, very stupid and a very, and a very dismal looking album,<br /><br />this is depressing.<br /><br />NIGEL: DAVID!<br /><br />DAVID: This is something you wear around your arm, you don't put this on<br /><br />your fucking turntable.<br /><br />NIGEL: DAVID, it's a choice.<br /><br />IAN: I frankly think that this is the turning point, okay? I think,<br /><br />I think this is...we're on our way now.<br /><br />NIGEL: I agree, I agree...<br /><br />IAN: It's time, time to kick arse!<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap performs "Rock And Roll Creation" ---<br /><br />MICK Shrimpton in bathtub<br /><br />MARTY: Given the history of Spinal Tap drummers, uh, in the past,<br /><br />do you have any fears, uh, for your life?<br /><br />MICK: When I did join, you know, they did tell me, they kind of took me<br /><br />aside and said "Well, MICK, ah, you know it's like this" and it<br /><br />did kind if freak me out a bit, but it can't always happen to every,<br /><br />can it?<br /><br />MARTY: Right...right, the law of averages says...<br /><br />MICK: The law of averages...<br /><br />MARTY: ...says that you will surVIVe.<br /><br />MICK: Yeah.<br /><br />Tour Bus<br /><br />VIV: Ohh, quite exiting, quite exiting this computer magic, wheeeee...<br /><br />IAN: How many uh planets have you destoyed, VIV?<br /><br />VIV: Well, four or five, fifth time around I think...really five galaxies<br /><br />gone, you know....<br /><br />DEREK: This is Cindy's first moustache.<br /><br />IAN: Is it?<br /><br />DAVID: Can I take it off now?<br /><br />JEANINE: Why? Too hot in here?<br /><br />DAVID: No, it's...it's, I thought I might go back to see what they're<br /><br />up to back there you know, I don't think they really need to see<br /><br />this until you've finished with it, you know...<br /><br />JEANINE: Well, you were reading, you can, you can read here...<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah, but...they, they've got a game back there, thought I mabye<br /><br />I have a look at the new game, it's like a submarine thing.<br /><br />JEANINE: You've got, you've got all stuff on you again.<br /><br />DAVID and JEANINE interview<br /><br />DAVID: Before I met JEANINE, my life was cosmically in shambles,<br /><br />it was ah...I was using bits and pieces of whatever Eastern<br /><br />philosophies happened to drift through my transom and she<br /><br />sort of sorted it out for me, straightened it out for me,<br /><br />gave me a path, you know, a path to follow.<br /><br />MARTY: I wonder if you have as much influence over his musical expression?<br /><br />JEANINE: Oh, yeah, I mean listen to him when he's experimenting, and<br /><br />things like that, don't I? He's, he plays things to me,<br /><br />sometimes when he's worked up, and he's got a new bit he<br /><br />wants to tell me about, you know, and I say "Yeah,that's good", or<br /><br />"that's bad", or "that's shit" or whatever, you know.<br /><br />DAVID: Yes, she is very honest, she is brutally frank.<br /><br />MARTY: Well, how does that go over with the other band members? I mean,you<br /><br />DAVID: Well, what happens is that she gives me the brutally frank version<br /><br />and I sort of tart it up for them.<br /><br />JEANINE: Yes.<br /><br />DAVID: Of course, you know, it's so strange because NIGEL and JEANINE are<br /><br />so similar in so many ways, but they just can't, they don't<br /><br />dislike each other at all...<br /><br />JEANINE: No.<br /><br />DAVID: There's great love between the two of them...<br /><br />JEANINE: Oh, yes....<br /><br />DAVID: But, they just, there's some sort of communication that's just not,<br /><br />just blocked or something...<br /><br />NIGEL plays pIANo<br /><br />MARTY: It's pretty.<br /><br />NIGEL: Yeah, I like it, just been fooling about with it for a few months now,<br /><br />very delicate...<br /><br />MARTY: It's a, it's a bit of a departure from the kind of thing you normally<br /><br />play.<br /><br />NIGEL: Yeah, it's part of a...trilogy really, a musical trilogy I'm doing...<br /><br />in... D minor, which I always find is really the saddest of all keys<br /><br />really. I don't know why, but it makes people weep instantly,<br /><br />you play a..baaaaa...baaaaaa.... it's the horn part.<br /><br />MARTY: It's very pretty.<br /><br />NIGEL: ...baaaa, baaaaa, yeah, just simple lines intertwining, you know<br /><br />very much like, I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, It's sort<br /><br />of in between those, really, it's like a Mach piece really, it's...<br /><br />MARTY: What do you call this?<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".<br /><br />MARTY: hmm.<br /><br />Airport security<br /><br />ASO: Excuse me, sir, do you have any metal objects in your pockets?<br /><br />DEREK: Yeah.<br /><br />ASO: Take them out and put them in the bucket.<br /><br />DEREK: Coins, keys, tuning fork. MusicIAN, I have to stay in tune, you<br /><br />know, be a moment.<br /><br />DAVID: One more<br /><br />ASO: Ok, would you take this jacket off please?<br /><br />DEREK: Oh, it's the zipper...settin off the machine.<br /><br />DAVID: Let's go then, let's go hurry up.<br /><br />ASO: Step over here, please.....raise your arms....do you have any<br /><br />artificial plates or limbs?<br /><br />DEREK: Not really, no....<br /><br />ASO: Uh...would you umm......<br /><br />DAVID: Do it.<br /><br />NIGEL: Do it.<br /><br /><br />--- Spinal Tap plays Heavy Duty ---<br /><br />Hotel Room, Chicago, Illinois<br /><br />ARTIE: Hi, ARTIE Fufkin.<br /><br />VIV: Hey, ARTIE...<br /><br />ARTIE: Polymer Records, how are you, hey, how ya doin' you are....DEREK?<br /><br />DEREK: DEREK, Yeah.<br /><br />ARTIE: ARTIE Fufkin, Polymer Records, how are you, I'm your promo man here<br /><br />in Chicago.<br /><br />NIGEL: Wow, that's great.<br /><br />ARTIE: I love you guys, and...<br /><br />NIGEL: Yeah.<br /><br />ARTIE: And of course, NIGEL.<br /><br />NIGEL: NIGEL.<br /><br />ARTIE: I love you, NIGEL Tufnel.<br /><br />NIGEL: Right.<br /><br />ARTIE: I love your stuff, I go back with you guys....ARTIE Fufkin, Polymer<br /><br />Records<br /><br />NIGEL: Right, yeah.<br /><br />ARTIE: And who are you, darlin'?<br /><br />DEREK: Oh, this is my special new friend, Cindy.<br /><br />ARTIE: Hello, Cindy.<br /><br />NIGEL: And this is Belinda.<br /><br />ARTIE: Hello, Belinda...<br /><br />Belinda: Nice to meet you.<br /><br />ARTIE: ARTIE Fufkin, Polymer Records, promo....and I'm...<br /><br />oh...what's going on here...<br /><br />DEREK: They're making a...<br /><br />ARTIE: ...hi, hi guys, ARTIE Fufkin, Polymer Records, nice to see you, and<br /><br />where is DAVID?... DAVID, hi, ARTIE Fufkin, how are you?<br /><br />DAVID: It's nice to see you..<br /><br />ARTIE: We've got something exiting happening tomorrow....<br /><br />MICK: The Food! The Food!...Ahhhhh...owwww...ohhhh<br /><br />?: The food!<br /><br />RSG: Oh, thank god, civilization! Where do I put this?<br /><br />Disk an' Dat autograph session<br /><br />ARTIE: What are you doing to me here?<br /><br />RO: I'm not doing anything.<br /><br />ARTIE: I thought we had a relationship here ... I don't know what happened?<br /><br />RO: Business is terrible, ARTIE, what can I tell you... this is the truth.<br /><br />ARTIE: I know business is terrible, but what happens with the with the<br /><br />record store with the promotion, and no one shows up!<br /><br />RO: This isn't a personal thing ARTIE, nobody's coming in the store<br /><br />to...<br /><br />ARTIE: Forget personal thing. We had a relationship here, forget about<br /><br />personal, what about a relationship?... I feel like a shlub, I don't<br /><br />know what's happening, It's me, that's what happening.<br /><br />It's me, I did it, it's my fault.<br /><br />NIGEL: We were told massive radio support.<br /><br />ARTIE: We did! We did massive.<br /><br />NIGEL: Vast...they said vast radio support.<br /><br />ARTIE: We did massive, we saturated, we over saturated. That's what it is,<br /><br />It's me, I did it, I fucked up, I fucked up the timing, that's all,<br /><br />I fucked up the timing, I've got no timing, I've got no timing,<br /><br />I've got NO timing. You know what I want you to do?<br /><br />Will you do something for me?<br /><br />NIGEL: What?<br /><br />ARTIE: Do me a favor, just kick my ass, okay? Kick this ass for a man,<br /><br />that's all, kick my ass, enjoy! C'mon, I'm not asking, I'm telling<br /><br />with this, kick my ass!<br /><br />Xanadu Star Theater, Cleveland, Ohio<br /><br />Crowd: C'mon...c'mon!<br /><br />DEREK: Well we've kept 'em waiting long enough. Let's do it to them.<br /><br />C'mon MICK!!!<br /><br />NIGEL: Let's go Mr. Shrimpton!<br /><br />DEREK: Let's rock'n roll!<br /><br />Crowd: C'mon. Let's hear some rock'n roll!<br /><br />DEREK: Rock 'n roll!!!<br /><br />NIGEL: Let's go then!!!<br /><br />VIV: Yeah. Yeah mate!!!<br /><br />DEREK: Going to be a hot one isn't it?<br /><br />NIGEL: It's going to be a great show.<br /><br />DEREK: No it's not an exit. Not an exit.<br /><br />DAVID: We don't want an exit.<br /><br />DEREK: No, that's true.<br /><br />DAVID: Try this way.<br /><br />DEREK: I hope so. This way.<br /><br />DAVID: Wait, this looks familiar, though...it really does.<br /><br />DEREK: Listen.<br /><br />Crowd: Tap! Tap! Tap...<br /><br />DAVID: Shit.<br /><br />DEREK: Let's not lose it though! Let's not lose it...Where the fuck is<br /><br />IAN? You know he should be here.<br /><br />Crowd: Tap! Tap! Tap....<br /><br />DEREK: We got to get to it someway. We've been on stage right?<br /><br />DAVID: We're in the group. We're in the group that's playing tonight.<br /><br />JANITOR: You go right straight through this door here, down the hall....<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah.<br /><br />JANITOR: ...turn right...<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah.<br /><br />JANITOR: ...and then there's a little jog there, about thirty feet...<br /><br />DEREK: A jog?<br /><br />JANITOR: ...jog to the left...<br /><br />DAVID: A jog?<br /><br />DEREK: We don't have time for that.<br /><br />JANITOR: ...go straight ahead...<br /><br />DAVID: We trust you. We trust you.<br /><br />JANITOR: ...go straight ahead, go straight ahead, turn right the next two<br /><br />corners, and the first door the sign "Authorized Personnel Only"...<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah.<br /><br />JANITOR: Open that door, that's the stage!<br /><br />DAVID: You think so?<br /><br />JANITOR: You're authorized. You're musicIANs aren't you?<br /><br />DAVID: We've got guitars yeah.<br /><br />JANITOR: It's on the...<br /><br />DAVID: Alright! Thank you. Thank you very much. Rock 'n roll!!!<br /><br />Rock and roll!!!<br /><br />VIV: Let's get it! Let's get it!<br /><br />DAVID: This way?<br /><br />DEREK: No, this way.<br /><br />DAVID: I see, this way.<br /><br />DEREK: Straight through. Rock 'n roll! Hello Cleveland! Hello Cleveland!!!<br /><br />NIGEL: Let's go!<br /><br />DAVID: Fuck!<br /><br />JANITOR: You must've made a wrong turn.<br /><br />DEREK: We gotta go another way.<br /><br />DAVID: Other way. Other way. Other way.<br /><br />DEREK: Other way. Other way.<br /><br />Season's Restaurant<br /><br />DAVID: I hate to keep harping on this, but I think that the notion of a<br /><br />black album has really cursed us, in a way.<br /><br />IAN: Believe me, we're getting some very substantial reports of airplay.<br /><br />I don't think we have to worry about that.<br /><br />JEANINE: You know, it might have been better if the, uh, album had been<br /><br />mixed right.<br /><br />DAVID: Well I suppose you could cry about that, of course it's true.<br /><br />I mean it's true.<br /><br />JEANINE: It wasn't...it was mixed all wrong, wasn't it?<br /><br />NIGEL: It was mixed wrong?<br /><br />JEANINE: Yeah....<br /><br />NIGEL: Were you there?<br /><br />JEANINE: ...you couldn't hear the...<br /><br />NIGEL: How do you know it was mixed wrong?<br /><br />DAVID: But she's...she's heard the...she's heard the record.<br /><br />JEANINE: No, but I've heard the album.<br /><br />NIGEL: So you're judgement is that it was mixed wrong.<br /><br />JEANINE: You couldn't hear the lyrics all over it.<br /><br />DAVID: You don't agree that you can't hear the vocals?<br /><br />NIGEL: No, I don't. I do not agree. No.<br /><br />DAVID: Well I think maybe....<br /><br />NIGEL: It's interesting that she's bringing it up.<br /><br />DAVID: Well she'd like to hear the vocals.<br /><br />NIGEL: I mean it's like it's me saying, you know, you're using the wrong<br /><br />conditioner for your hair.<br /><br />DAVID: Don't be stupid.<br /><br />JEANINE: You don't, you don't do heavy metal in doubly, you know, I Mean...it's<br /><br />NIGEL: In what??? In what???<br /><br />JEANINE: In doubly...<br /><br />NIGEL: In dublin!?! What's that?<br /><br />DAVID: She means Dolby, alright? She means Dolby, you know? You know<br /><br />perfectly well what she means.<br /><br />NIGEL: ...ha ha...<br /><br />DAVID: We shan't recover from this one. We shan't recover from this one.<br /><br />IAN: Oh, come on.<br /><br />DAVID: Can I have...can I have the floor for just one moment because<br /><br />I've got, you know, something I'd like to show you. These, uh,<br /><br />JEANINE's been working on these very hard. These are a<br /><br />new direction...<br /><br />JEANINE: Got a new idea for a new presentation.<br /><br />DAVID: ...a stage look...for the band fashioned after...<br /><br />JEANINE: The signs of the zodiac.<br /><br />DAVID: ...the signs of the zodiac.<br /><br />JEANINE: We needed a new presentation.<br /><br />DAVID: This is a look for VIV; he's a Libra. There's sort of the<br /><br />ying...yang...<br /><br />JEANINE: ...ying and the yang...<br /><br />DAVID: ...sort of look, this is NIGEL. He's...he's uh... Capricorn.<br /><br />Sort of a goat look.<br /><br />JEANINE: I've given you a little bib. beard<br /><br />NIGEL: Is this a joke?<br /><br />DAVID: ...this is the...<br /><br />NIGEL: Excuse me, is this a joke?<br /><br />JEANINE: A joke???<br /><br />DAVID: Just bear with us for one moment please. This...I love this. I<br /><br />wish I were...<br /><br />DEREK: Cancer.<br /><br />DAVID: This is your crab face. Give me a chance! Give it a chance.<br /><br />IAN: DAVID. DAVID. DAVID. Wait, please, wait a minute. Have you any idea<br /><br />what it will costs to dress up the band as animals?<br /><br />JEANINE: Oh, it don't cost nothing. It really doesn't.<br /><br />DAVID: They're not animals, they're signs of the zodiac.<br /><br />IAN: They're animals.<br /><br />DAVID: It's a way to fight the drabs. You know we've got the drabs.<br /><br />NIGEL: Well that's true. I think mine would look good - better in doubly.<br /><br />If it was done in doubly....<br /><br />JEANINE: Oh shut up!!!<br /><br />DAVID: I knew it wouldn't be easy. I'm quite open minded enough....<br /><br />DEREK: DAVID. No, no, DAVID, there are solutions to all problems. I<br /><br />think we know what they are.<br /><br />DAVID: I've yet to hear them. I've yet to hear them....<br /><br />DEREK: We can take the rational approach; we can say....<br /><br />NIGEL: May I make a suggestion? May I make a suggestion? I've got one<br /><br />other suggestion.<br /><br />DAVID: Well let's hear yours. Let's hear your suggestion.<br /><br />NIGEL: Stonehenge! Stonehenge. It's the best production value we've<br /><br />ever had on stage.<br /><br />DAVID: But we haven't got the equipment. We haven't got the equipment,<br /><br />we haven't got Stonehenge, we haven't...<br /><br />NIGEL: Not yet we don't. Let's start...<br /><br />DAVID: We haven't got...<br /><br />NIGEL: Please, please just a moment. Musically, musically we all know it.<br /><br />IAN: We know it works...I don't think it's a bad idea.<br /><br />NIGEL: Musically we all know it. Right? No problems musically. We go<br /><br />right on stage. And it's quite simple. This is you know...IAN can<br /><br />take care of this...<br /><br />DAVID: I know what the Stonehenge monument looks like. We don't have<br /><br />that piece of scenery anymore.<br /><br />NIGEL: I know, so we build a new one. And this is it, look!<br /><br />IAN: Consider...consider it done.<br /><br />DAVID: So you're just going to take care of it like that. You're going<br /><br />to find someone to design it...using that as a plan?<br /><br />IAN: Let's try. Let's try.<br /><br />DAVID: If you can do it, I'll do the number.<br /><br />interview in storeroom<br /><br />MARTY: Do you feel that in collaboration with DAVID, that you are...<br /><br />afforded the opportunity to express yourself musically the way<br /><br />you would like to?<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, I think I do you know in my solos. My solos are my trademark.<br /><br />cut to NIGEL's guitar solo<br /><br />cut to room in Austin, Texas<br /><br />IAN: This looks actually perfect. I mean it's, uh, the right<br /><br />proportions. It'll be this color right?<br /><br />Artist: Yeah. Yeah.<br /><br />IAN: Yeah. That's...that's...that's just terrific. It almost looks<br /><br />like the real thing.<br /><br />Artist: Well good.<br /><br />IAN: When we get the actual, uh, set, when we get the piece,<br /><br />it'll...it'll follow exactly these specifications. I mean even<br /><br />these contours and everything?<br /><br />Artist: Um, I'm not understanding it. What do you mean "the actual piece?"<br /><br />IAN: Well I mean...I mean when you build the actual piece.<br /><br />Artist: But this is what you asked for, isn't it?<br /><br />IAN: What?<br /><br />Artist: Well this is the piece.<br /><br />IAN: This is the piece?<br /><br />Artist: Yes.<br /><br />IAN: Are you telling me that this is it? This is scenery? Have you<br /><br />ever been to Stonehenge?<br /><br />Artist: No, I haven't been to Stonehenge.<br /><br />IAN: The triptychs are...the triptychs are twenty feet high.<br /><br />You can stand four men up them!<br /><br />Artist: IAN, I was...I was...I was supposed to build it eighteen inches high.<br /><br />IAN: This is insane. This isn't a piece of scenery.<br /><br />Artist: Look, look. Look, this is what I was asked to build. Eighteen<br /><br />inches. Right here, it specified eighteen inches. I was given this<br /><br />napkin, I mean...<br /><br />IAN: Forget this! Fuck the napkin!!!<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap performs Stonehenge ---<br /><br />Hotel room<br /><br />DAVID: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was<br /><br />down. I think that the problem may have been...that there was a<br /><br />Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being<br /><br />crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate<br /><br />the hugeness of the object.<br /><br />IAN: I really think you're just making a much too big thing out of it.<br /><br />DEREK: Making a big thing out of it would've been a good idea.<br /><br />IAN: NIGEL gave me a drawing that said eighteen inches. Alright?<br /><br />DAVID: I know he did, and that's what I'm talking about.<br /><br />IAN: Now, whether he knows the difference between feet and inches is not<br /><br />my problem. I do what I'm told.<br /><br />DAVID: But you're not as confused as him are you? I mean it's not your<br /><br />job to be as confused as NIGEL is.<br /><br />IAN: It's my job to do what I'm asked to do by the creative element of<br /><br />this band. And that's what I did. C'mon...<br /><br />JEANINE: The audience were laughing.<br /><br />IAN: So it became a comedy number.<br /><br />DAVID: Yes it did! Yes it fucking well did, and it was not pleasant to<br /><br />be part of the comedy on stage. Backstage, perhaps, it was very<br /><br />amusing.<br /><br />DEREK: Maybe we just fix the choreography. Keep the dwarf clear.<br /><br />DAVID: What do you mean?<br /><br />DEREK: So they won't trod upon it.<br /><br />DAVID: I don't think that's the issue. I think it's symptomatic that<br /><br />maybe you're taking on more than you can...uh...uh...uh...handle.<br /><br />JEANINE: It's not exactly the first time you've messed things up is it?<br /><br />DAVID: I mean there's been some, uh, gaping holes in the business end.<br /><br />If this...if this, uh...<br /><br />IAN: "Not the first time"...just a minute. Excuse me. This is a band<br /><br />meeting. Right? Are you here for some reason?<br /><br />DAVID: Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. She's, she's with me.<br /><br />IAN: No, but is she now in the band. Is she singing backup or<br /><br />something?<br /><br />JEANINE: I care what happens to the band.<br /><br />DAVID: She's with me alright?<br /><br />IAN: DAVID, whenever a single bump or a ruffle comes into this little<br /><br />fantasy, adolescent fantasy world that you guys, you guys have<br /><br />built around yourselves...<br /><br />DAVID: Hey don't knock at me. Don't knock at me.<br /><br />IAN: ...you start screaming like a bunch of pansy hairdressers.<br /><br />I mean it's just a problem you know. It get's solved...<br /><br />JEANINE: It doesn't.<br /><br />IAN: ...you can't...you can't live in a bubble.<br /><br />JEANINE: If it got solved, that would be alright, but it doesn't get<br /><br />solved. I mean what do you think happend out there? What got<br /><br />solved tonight?<br /><br />IAN: For one thing that goes wrong...one...one single thing that<br /><br />goes wrong, a hundred things go right. Do you know what I spend<br /><br />my time doing? I sleep two or three hours a night. There's no sex<br /><br />and drugs for IAN, DAVID. Do you know what I do? I find lost<br /><br />luggage. I locate mandolin strings in the middle of Austin!<br /><br />DAVID: Yes. We've seen you. We've seen you do that.<br /><br />IAN: You know? I prise the rent out of the local Hebrews. That's what<br /><br />I do.<br /><br />JEANINE: Well maybe you should get someone else to find the lost<br /><br />luggage, and you should concentrate on what's going on on stage!<br /><br />DAVID: Yes, yes. That's what we're talking about.<br /><br />IAN: You mean you want me to be the road manager?<br /><br />DAVID: All bad...No, all bad ba...uh, could we...<br /><br />JEANINE: What Dave is trying to say, if you'd let him get a word<br /><br />through, is...you could maybe...do with some help.<br /><br />IAN: Some help?<br /><br />JEANINE: ...managing the band.<br /><br />DAVID: It's very simple, it's very simple.<br /><br />JEANINE: It's that clear.<br /><br />DAVID: Maybe there's someone already in the organization. We don't<br /><br />have to pay insurance. We don't have to pay extra room, etc.<br /><br />Since she's already here, she's already among us, and uh,<br /><br />she can...she is certainly capable of taking over...<br /><br />IAN: She? She? Wait a minute! Wait a minute!<br /><br />DAVID: Well who do you think I'm talking about? Who do you think I'm<br /><br />talking about?<br /><br />IAN: I would...I would have never dreamed in a million years that it was<br /><br />her you were talking about!<br /><br />DAVID: Why not?<br /><br />JEANINE: I am offering to help out here.<br /><br />IAN: No, you're not offering to help out. You're offering to co-manage<br /><br />the band with me. Is that it?<br /><br />DAVID & JEANINE: Yes!<br /><br />DAVID: In so many words, that is exactly it.<br /><br />JEANINE: Exactly!<br /><br />IAN: I'm certainly not going to co-manage with some...some...some girl<br /><br />just because she's your girlfriend...<br /><br />DAVID: Don't call her my girlfriend!<br /><br />IAN: Alright, she's not your girlfriend. I don't know...<br /><br />JEANINE: Oh girlfriend is it? You couldn't manage a classroom full of<br /><br />kids! I don't know what you're doing managing a band!<br /><br />DAVID: Why don't we just...<br /><br />JEANINE: Oh shut up!!!<br /><br />IAN: Look, look...I...I...this is...this is my position okay?<br /><br />I am not managing it with you or any other woman, especially<br /><br />one that dresses like an AustralIAN's nightmare. So fuck you!!!<br /><br />JEANINE: Fuck you too!!!<br /><br />IAN: And fuck all of you...because I quit! Alright? That's it!<br /><br />Good night!!!<br /><br />DEREK: Can I raise a practical question at this point?<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah.<br /><br />DEREK: We gonna do Stonehenge tomorrow?<br /><br />DAVID: No we're not gonna fucking do Stonehenge!!!<br /><br />airport<br /><br />JEANINE: OK, we're all set, thank you, alright right fellows, We've got<br /><br />the tickets. We're on the 3:10 flight, gate 24, alright.<br /><br />And it arrives at 4:00 in Colorado, and then we've got a<br /><br />limo to take us to the lodge.<br /><br />DAVID: That's about a hundred yards from Rainbow Trout Studio.<br /><br />JEANINE: Uh, what I've done is to arrange a whole load of charts.<br /><br />DAVID: Wait till you see this, wait till you see this, this is so great<br /><br />JEANINE: The band's sign is Virgo, and we see it's Saturn in the third<br /><br />house, allright, and it is a bit rocky. But, because Virgo is<br /><br />one of the most highly intelligent signs of the Zodiac,<br /><br />we're gonna pull through this, with great bond.<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah. It is so clear, it really is, it's so clear...<br /><br />JEANINE: NIGEL hasn't got one, NIGEL, NIGEL, we've got some pages for you<br /><br />here...<br /><br />DAVID: He's got one, he's got one...you know, think about what jumble<br /><br />a tour usually is...<br /><br />JEANINE: If you have a look at this....<br /><br />DAVID: No, He's got one, he's got one<br /><br />JEANINE: Now, what I want to explain to you here is that Denver....<br /><br />Interview in storeroom II<br /><br />MARTY: How would you characterize your relationship with DAVID over the<br /><br />years. Has it changed in any way?<br /><br />NIGEL: Not really, I mean, you know, they go, we've grown up but really<br /><br />it's not, no, not really... we we feel like children much of the<br /><br />time, even when we're playing. We're closer than brothers.<br /><br />Brothers always fight, sort of disagreements, and all that.<br /><br />We really have a relationship that's way, way past that.<br /><br />Rainbow Trout Studio<br /><br />DAVID: Ahhhhhhh...<br /><br />NIGEL: He can't play the fucking guitar anymore.<br /><br />DEREK: You know the part, you did it this morning.<br /><br />NIGEL: No, he doesn't know the fucking...if he knew the fucking part he'd<br /><br />play it, wouldn't he?... Are you walking out? Are you walking out?<br /><br />DEREK: Fuck!<br /><br />NIGEL: Great, just tell me what I'm supposed to do, alright?<br /><br />DAVID: We're supposed do play the fucking thing, aren't we. We've no<br /><br />choice, we've spent an hour and a half...<br /><br />NIGEL: I'm doing my part...make this a lot simpler, I mean I hate to<br /><br />cut right through it here, why don't you play this alone, without some<br /><br />fucking angel hanging over your head, you know what I mean?<br /><br />DEREK: Jesus Christ, this is fucking all we need!<br /><br />NIGEL: You can't fucking concentrate, because of your fucking wife, simple<br /><br />as that, alright, it's your fucking wife!<br /><br />DAVID: She's not my wife!<br /><br />NIGEL: Whatever fuck she is, alright, you can't concentrate, we can't<br /><br />fucking do the track.<br /><br />DAVID: This is unbelievable! This is unbelievable!<br /><br />NIGEL: No, it's not unbelievable at all...it all leads up to this...it all<br /><br />leads up to this<br /><br />DAVID: This is unbelieveable. Will you check me on this, am I losing my<br /><br />fucking mind? Could you check me on this, am I losing my mind?<br /><br />I-I-I-I don't understand what this has to do with anything.<br /><br /><br />DEREK's office<br /><br />DEREK: We're very lucky in the sense that we've got two visionaries in the<br /><br />band.<br /><br />MARTY: Right.<br /><br />DEREK: DAVID and NIGEL are both like, uh, like poets you know like<br /><br />Shelley or Byron, or people like that. The two totally distinct<br /><br />types of visionaries, it's like fire and ice, basically, you see and<br /><br />I feel my role in the band, is to be kind of in the middle<br /><br />of that, kind of like lukewarm water, in a sense.<br /><br />Limo<br /><br />JEANINE: Listen, I don't think you've got time to go to the hotel, I think<br /><br />we better go straight to the base.<br /><br />NIGEL: To the what?<br /><br />VIV: Base?<br /><br />DAVID: The gig.<br /><br />DEREK: To the Civic Arena, right?<br /><br />DAVID: No, it fell through.<br /><br />JEANINE: No.<br /><br />NIGEL: Wait a sec, wait a sec, hold it, hold it! Do you know about this,<br /><br />and we don't know about this? What are you talking about?<br /><br />JEANINE: We are going to the Air Force base.<br /><br />NIGEL: Why are we going to an Air Force base?<br /><br />JEANINE: Cause the original gig fell through....<br /><br />Lindberg Air Force Base, Seattle , Washington<br /><br />JEANINE: Lieutenant Hookstrat....<br /><br />Lt Hookstratten: Ahh...Hookstratten..and you are Spinal Tarp?<br /><br />JEANINE: I'm JEANINE Pettibone, and this is Spinal TAP.<br /><br />Lt Hookstratten: Spinal TAP, my mistake, I'm Lieutenant Bob Hookstratten.<br /><br />Welcome to the Lindberg Air Force base. This is your gentlemen's<br /><br />first visit to a military facility?<br /><br />DEREK: Yeah...<br /><br />Lt Hookstratten: Fine, may I start by saying how thrilled we are to have<br /><br />you here, we are such fans of your music, and all of your records.<br /><br />DEREK: That's great<br /><br />Lt Hookstratten: I am not speaking of yours personnaly, but the whole genre<br /><br />of the rock and roll ...<br /><br />DAVID: I can understand that.<br /><br />DEREK: It's a great genre.<br /><br />Lt Hookstratten: ...of the exiting things that are happening in the music<br /><br />today. Let me explain a bit of what's going on. This is our<br /><br />monthly "at-ease weekend", gives us the chance to kind of let down<br /><br />our hair, although I see you all have a head start.<br /><br />These haircuts wouldn't pass military muster, believe me. Although<br /><br />I shouldn't talk I, my hair's getting a little shaggy too, better<br /><br />not get too close to you, they'll think I'm part of the band,<br /><br />I am joking, of course. Shall we go in and I'll show you around.<br /><br />Walk this way, please, right through here. Did you ever run into a<br /><br />musical group works out of Kansas City call themselves<br /><br />"Four Jacks and a Jill"? They've been at a Ramada Inn there<br /><br />for about 18 months. If you're ever in Kansas City and want to<br /><br />hear some good music, you might want to drop by.<br /><br />I would like to get the playing on about 1900 hours, if that<br /><br />is satisfactory?<br /><br />DEREK: When will that be?<br /><br />Lt Hookstratten: I make it now it is about 1830 hours.<br /><br />DEREK: So that's what? about 50 hours?<br /><br />DAVID: 120 hours?<br /><br />Lt Hookstratten: That's actually about 30 minutes, about a half hour,<br /><br />give or take just a few minutes. I don't want to rush you.<br /><br />The idea is that we get it on and we get it over with and<br /><br />I have just one request, would you play a couple of slow numbers<br /><br />so I can dance.<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap performs Sex Farm ---<br /><br />JEANINE: He totally ruined the gig, there. He walks off and then you know,<br /><br />he can't be expected to sit home and get money, we've got to get<br /><br />someone else in there.<br /><br />Hotel lobby<br /><br />MARTY: Has he ever done this before? Has he ever....<br /><br />DAVID: well, no.<br /><br />MARTY; ...quit the band before?<br /><br />DAVID: No, but it's....you've got to understand that like in the world of<br /><br />rock and roll there are certain changes that sometimes occur,<br /><br />and you've just got to, sort of, roll with them, you know.<br /><br />I mean you read... you read... you saw exactly how many people<br /><br />who's been in the band over the years, 37 people's been in this<br /><br />band over the years. I mean It's like, you know, six months<br /><br />from now, I can't see myself missing NIGEL more than I might miss<br /><br />Ross McLochness, or Ronnie Pudding, or Danny Upham, or Little<br /><br />Danny Schindler, or any of those, you know, it's...<br /><br />MARTY: I can't...I can't believe it. I can't believe it, you<br /><br />know, that, you're lumping NIGEL in with uh you know these people<br /><br />you've played with for a short period of time...<br /><br />DAVID: Well, I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy<br /><br />sedation, but still in all, I mean you've got to be realistic<br /><br />about this sort of thing, you know....<br /><br />MARTY: So, what happens to the band now?<br /><br />DAVID: What do you mean?<br /><br />MARTY: He's not coming back, or...?<br /><br />DAVID: No, we, we shan't work together again.<br /><br />Themeland Amusement Park, Stockton, California<br /><br />JEANINE: Oh, no! I told them once, I told them a hundred times:<br /><br />put "Spinal Tap" first and "Puppet show" last.<br /><br />DEREK: It's a morale builder, isn't it?<br /><br />JEANINE: We've got a big dressing room, though.<br /><br />DAVID: What?<br /><br />JEANINE: Got a big dressing room here...<br /><br />DAVID: Oh, we've got a bigger dressing room than the puppets? Oh,<br /><br />that's refreshing..<br /><br />VIV: I've got some of this Mendocino Rocket Fuel, that's supposed<br /><br />to be really......<br /><br />DAVID: Can you play...excuse me, VIV, can you play a bassline, uh, like<br /><br />NIGEL used to do on "Big Bottom", can you double that? You recall<br /><br />the lines in fifths?<br /><br />VIV: Oh, yeah. I've got two hands here, yeah I can do it.<br /><br />DAVID: So, that's good, you can play that one.<br /><br />DEREK: "Hole" is out, "Heavy" is out....<br /><br />DAVID: "Heavy-Hole" ....<br /><br />DEREK: Right, right, right, right...."America" is out.....<br /><br />DAVID: "America" we can't do, that's NIGEL's tune, not my tune.<br /><br />DEREK: We know, we know, we know, we know...That's a nice little set,<br /><br />isn't it, that's a cozy ten minutes.<br /><br />DAVID: What are we going to do, we've got nothing to play here...<br /><br />DEREK: I'll tell you what we're gonna have to do...<br /><br />DAVID: What?<br /><br />DEREK: Jazz odyssey!<br /><br />DAVID: We're not going about to do a free-form jazz, uh, exploration in<br /><br />front of a festival crowd!<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap Mark II performs Jazz Odyssey ---<br /><br />( in front of a festival "crowd" )<br /><br />DAVID: You are witnesess at the new birth of Spinal Tap Mark II, hope<br /><br />you enjoy our new direction...<br /><br />...on the bass: DEREK Smalls, he wrote this.....<br /><br />End of Tour Party, Los Angeles<br /><br />REPORTER: So tonight's the last show of the tour. How's that feel? You<br /><br />know, is like this your last waltz, are we talkin' the end<br /><br />of Spinal Tap, or are you gonna try to milk it for a<br /><br />few more years in Europe, I mean....<br /><br />DAVID: Well, I don't, I don't really think that the end can be<br /><br />assessed...uh as of itself as being the end because what<br /><br />does the end feel like, it's like saying when you try to<br /><br />extrapolate the end of the universe you say the...if the<br /><br />universe is indeed infinite then how what does that mean?<br /><br />How far is is t...is all the way and then if it stops what's<br /><br />stoppin' it and what's behind what's stoppin' it, so what's<br /><br />the end, you know, is my...question to you....<br /><br />Guy: 'Sa good crowd. Good crowd.<br /><br />JEANINE: It is, isn't it?<br /><br />Guy: Yeah, it really is. I mean, you know, some of these things just,<br /><br />you know, don't mean much.<br /><br />JEANINE: It was hard to get at the last minute, you know, you can't<br /><br />arrange it all overnight.<br /><br />DEREK: DAVID, we had a fifteen-year ride, mate. 'Mean, who wants to be a<br /><br />fuck'n forty-five year old rock'n'roller farting around in front of<br /><br />people less than half their age?....<br /><br />DAVID: So true, so true, yeah....<br /><br />DEREK: ...cranking out some kind of mediocre head-banging bullshit, you<br /><br />know, that we forgot can be?<br /><br />DAVID: It would b...it's beneath us...who wants to see that...not me.<br /><br />DEREK: That's right...absolutely right. I mean, we could take those<br /><br />projects that we thought, you know, we didn't have time for....<br /><br />DAVID: Oh, there's dozens, there's so many dozens of projects.<br /><br />DEREK: You know, we didn't have time for 'em because of Tap and bring 'em<br /><br />back to life maybe.<br /><br />DAVID: Do you remember what we were...do you remember the time?...<br /><br />DEREK: At the Luton...at the Luton Palace...<br /><br />DAVID: Yes.<br /><br />DEREK: We were talking about a rock musical based on the life of Jack the<br /><br />Ripper...<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah,'Saucy Jack.'<br /><br />DEREK: Right.'Saucy Jack.' Now's the time to do that.<br /><br />DAVID: "Saucy Jack, you're a naughty one, Saucy Jack, you're a haughty<br /><br />one, Saucy Jack."<br /><br />DEREK: Right...<br /><br />DAVID: It's a freein' up, idnit?<br /><br />DEREK: Yeah.<br /><br />DAVID: It's all this free time it's suddenly time is so elastic....<br /><br />DEREK: It's a gift, it's a gift of freedom. You know.<br /><br />DAVID: I've always, I've always wanted to do a collection of my acoustic<br /><br />numbers with, the London Philharmonic as you know.<br /><br />DEREK: We're lucky.<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah.<br /><br />DEREK: I mean people...people should be envying us. You know.<br /><br />DAVID: I envy us.<br /><br />DEREK: Yeah.<br /><br />DAVID: I do.<br /><br />DEREK: Me too.<br /><br />Dressing Room,last gig of the tour<br /><br />DEREK: We'll make 'em miss us.<br /><br />VIV: Last stop.<br /><br />DAVID: I'm in, I'm in tune...the last tuning<br /><br />DEREK: Last tuning...<br /><br />JEANINE: ...time to go...shall we go...I think it's time to go.<br /><br />DEREK: Yeah, we're gonna do a good show, we'll do a dynamite show....<br /><br />DAVID: Come to see the show?<br /><br />NIGEL: Yeah, hi, MICK!<br /><br />MICK: Nidge.<br /><br />DAVID: So d'you just come here to hang around back stage like a real rock<br /><br />and roller? Is that what you're doing?<br /><br />NIGEL: I'm really a messenger...<br /><br />DAVID: A messenger...<br /><br />NIGEL: Yeah, I bumped into IAN, and....<br /><br />DAVID: IAN...IAN?...oh, the other dead man, yeah.<br /><br />NIGEL: Seems that "Sex Farm" is on the charts in Japan...<br /><br />DEREK: Spinal Tap's recording of "Sex Farm".<br /><br />NIGEL: It's number five, last week, actually. So, he, he, he,<br /><br />um he asked me, to ask you, Tap, if you would be interested<br /><br />reforming and, uh, doing a tour of Japan.<br /><br />DAVID: So you've come back to replug our life-support systems in?<br /><br />Is that it? By the grace of your, of your, uh by the stroke<br /><br />of your hand...you...is that what you're gonna do?...you are<br /><br />going to bring us back to life? Is that what you've come here for?<br /><br />NIGEL: No I've come...<br /><br />DAVID: I mean it's...I don't...you've a fucking... nerve that you display<br /><br />in com-<br /><br />NIGEL: No that's it's I'm just passing on information, really...<br /><br />JEANINE: Yeah, I think it's time to go in, we don't have time to<br /><br />discuss this now...<br /><br />NIGEL: DAVID; do a good show, alright<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah, OK.<br /><br />--- Spinal Tap performs Tonight I'm Going to Rock You Tonight ---<br /><br />DAVID: NIGEL Tufnel, Lead guitar!<br /><br />Spinal Tap tours Japan<br /><br />Closing credits<br /><br />MARTY: Do you feel that playing rock'n'roll...music keeps you a child?<br /><br />That is, keeps you in a state of arrested development?<br /><br />DEREK: No...no...no, I feel, it's like, it's more like going, going<br /><br />to a national park, or something, and there's, you know,<br /><br />they preserve the moose...and that's, that's my childhood up there<br /><br />on stage is that moose, you know, and...and...<br /><br />MARTY: So, when you're playing you feel like a preserved moose on stage?<br /><br />DEREK: Yeah.<br /><br />DAVID: I've been listening to the classics, I belong to a...great series<br /><br />um..It's called the 'Namesake Series' of casettes...<br /><br />MARTY: ah..<br /><br />DAVID: And they send you the works of famous authors, done by actors<br /><br />with the same last name...so I've got Denham Elliot reading<br /><br />T.S. Elliot on this one...<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah...well, thats interesting...<br /><br />DAVID: I've go... Yes, I've got Danny Thomas doing "A Child's Christmas<br /><br />in Wales" by Dylan Thomas, and...next month it's Mclean Stephenson<br /><br />reads Robert Louis Stevenson ah "Treasure Island" problably.<br /><br />MARTY: That's interesting...It's fascinating.<br /><br />DAVID: Yeah.. and there's also something...there's uh shorter works of<br /><br />Washington Irving, read by someone called "Dr. J."<br /><br />MARTY: Oh, that's Julius Irving...Julius Irving...<br /><br />DAVID: Oh!<br /><br />MARTY: The basketball player.<br /><br />DAVID: There you go, keeping with the series, yes. I didn't know that, yeah.<br /><br />NIGEL: You like this?<br /><br />MARTY: It's very nice ...it looks like Halloween...<br /><br />NIGEL: This is exact... my exact inner structure, done in a T-shirt<br /><br />exactly, medically accurate, see.<br /><br />MARTY: So, in other words, if we were to take all your flesh and blood and<br /><br />every....<br /><br />NIGEL: ..take them off...<br /><br />MARTY: ...and you'd see..exact...<br /><br />NIGEL: This is what you'd see...<br /><br />MARTY: It wouldn't be green, though?<br /><br />NIGEL: It *is* green! You know, see, see how your blood looks blue?<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah, well, that's just the vein, I mean the color of the vein,<br /><br />the blood is actually red..<br /><br />NIGEL: Oh, mabye it's not green...anyway, this is what I sleep in<br /><br />sometimes.<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah!<br /><br />MARTY: Dennis Eaton-Hogg, the president of Polymer Records...<br /><br />IAN: Yes.<br /><br />MARTY: ...was recently knighted, what were the circumstances surrounding<br /><br />his knighthood?<br /><br />IAN: The specific reason why he was knighted was uh for the founding<br /><br />of Hoggwood, which is um, a summer-camp for pale, young boys.<br /><br />MARTY: DAVID St. Hubbins...I ne..I must admit I've never heard<br /><br />anybody with that name...<br /><br />DAVID: It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's<br /><br />not a very well known saint.<br /><br />MARTY: Oh, there actually is, uh...there was a Saint Hubbins?<br /><br />DAVID: That's right, yes.<br /><br />MARTY: What was he the saint of?<br /><br />DAVID: He was the patron saint of quality footwear.<br /><br />MARTY: You play to predominantly, uh predominantly a white audience,<br /><br />you feel your music is racist in any way?<br /><br />DAVID: no!<br /><br />NIGEL: No, no, of course not....<br /><br />DAVID: We pro...we say, we say "love your brother", we don't say it,<br /><br />really, but..<br /><br />NIGEL: We don't literally say it.<br /><br />DAVID: No, we don't say it ...at all.<br /><br />NIGEL: No, we don't literally mean it, but we're not racists.<br /><br />DAVID: No, we don't believe it either, but...that message shuould<br /><br />be clear anyway.<br /><br />NIGEL: We're anything but racists.<br /><br />DEREK: You know, we've grown musically...I mean, listen to some of<br /><br />the rubbish we did early on, it was stupid...<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah.<br /><br />DEREK: ...you know. Now, I mean a song like "Sex Farm", we've taken the<br /><br />sophisticated view of the idea of sex, you know, and music-<br /><br />MARTY: ...and put it on a farm?<br /><br />DEREK: Yeah.<br /><br />MARTY: If I were to ask you what your philosophy of life, or your creed...<br /><br />what would that be?<br /><br />VIV: "Have...a good...time...all the time." That's my philosophy, MARTY!<br /><br />DAVID: I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what<br /><br />makes me more of a selective human, than someone who doesn't<br /><br />believe anything.<br /><br />MARTY: Do you have a philosohpy, or creed that you live by?<br /><br />MICK: Well...like, personally, I like to think about sex and drugs<br /><br />and rock'n'roll, you know, that's my life...<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah.<br /><br />DAVID: yeah...<br /><br />MARTY: If you were to have something written as your epitaph...<br /><br />DAVID: "Here lies DAVID St. Hubbins...and why not?"<br /><br />MARTY: You feel that sums up your...your life?<br /><br />DAVID: No, 's the first thing I could think of.<br /><br />MARTY: Oh, I see...<br /><br />DAVID: It doesn't sum up anything, really.<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah.<br /><br />NIGEL: I'm a real fish nut. I really like fish...<br /><br />MARTY: What kind of fish?<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, in the United States, you have cod...I like cod.<br /><br />And I love tuna...those little cans you've got here...tuna fish<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah.<br /><br />NIGEL: ...no bones!<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah.<br /><br />MARTY: If you could not play rock'n roll, what would you do?<br /><br />DAVID: Be a full time dreamer!<br /><br />VIV: I'd probably get a bit stupid and start to make a fool of myself in<br /><br />public, 'cause there wouldn't be a stage to go on.<br /><br />DEREK: Probably work with children.<br /><br />MICK: As long as there is, you know, sex and drugs, I can do<br /><br />without the rock'n'roll.<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind or...<br /><br />or do uh... freelance... selling of some sort of...uh...<br /><br />product, you know...<br /><br />MARTY: A salesman, you think you ....<br /><br />NIGEL: A salesman, like, mabye in a haberdasher, or maybye like a...uh<br /><br />a chapeau shop, or something...you know, like: "Would you...what size<br /><br />do you wear, sir?" and then you answer me.<br /><br />MARTY: Uh...seven and a quarter.<br /><br />NIGEL: "I think we have that...", you see, something like that I could do.<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah...you think you be happy doing something like-<br /><br />NIGEL: "No! We're all out, do you wear black?", see, that sort of thing,<br /><br />I think I could probably muster up.<br /><br />MARTY: Yeah, do you think you'd be happy doing that?<br /><br />NIGEL: Well, I don't know, wh-wh-what are the hours?<br /><br />The end<br /><br />----<br />that'll be one double stuffed oreo. and why don't you throw in a glass of ice cold skim milk for the effort. deal with it.clivehttp://www.hatsofmeat.comnoreply@blogger.com